As an artist who also suffers from depression, I have had 'black holes', (periods of time when I am unable to create, let alone function) for as long as I can remember... My recent sporatic absense from this blog is related to my current 'black hole'. On days like these every step I take feels like a step backwards... Timing is unexplainable... Michael is improving by leaps and bounds every day! He is happy and taking steps to move forward in life. Yet, I feel immobile and unable to move, at times not even wanting to get out of bed...
Last night I had not one but two vivid dreams with the theme, 'Its not where you go, but how you get there.' Process not Product. They spoke of hope and determination, feelings that have not been on the surface of my thoughts lately... Sometimes we need to take 'baby steps', lots of them, before we can reach the other side of the room... I write this to you in explanation of where I am, but also in hopes of the words sinking into my heart and helping me out of my hole. As artists we sometimes forget that process is as important as the end result. I certainly do, often visualizing the product even before I know how to create it...
Process is: Being grateful for each day; soaking up the sunshine that beams on our faces; eating fresh food because it makes us feel good; getting up in the morning to hear the birds sing; Simple little baby steps - one after the other - that accumulate into a life well lived. I have needed to be reminded of this lately... that taking little steps moves us forward as beautifully as leaping does... Be patient with me as I navigate the hills and valleys of life - Its not where I am going but how I get there.
(Photos by John Reuter)
